A noir detective story for the pandemic era. — She Skyped into my office like nobody’s business, a dolled-up dame dressed like she didn’t worry about dough. If a regular broad were a five-cent ham sandwich, she was a double-decker on rye. With an extra pickle. Her legs were long and tan, and when she crossed them, I knew…

10 very short plays. — WAITER: Would you like to hear about our specials? EDITOR: Thanks, but no. [CURTAIN] WAITER: Would you like to hear about our specials? EDITOR: I’m going to pass. [CURTAIN] WAITER: Would you like to try our catch of the day? EDITOR: No, but best of luck placing it elsewhere. [CURTAIN] …

Imagine that your underwear has a wire in it: a stiff, metal wire that fits snugly around your scrotum — one that squeezes you mercilessly if you gain a single pound, on certain days of the month, or when you begin to swell even slightly. Imagine that when your underwear…

It’s just a matter of time. — TimeShark! An explosion at a university combines the experiments of an astrophysicist and a marine biologist into one, resulting in a shark with the power of time travel. Tagline: The water may be safe today… but what about yesterday? Barlow & Finn After a by-the-book Miami cop loses his partner in a shooting accident…

You know the situation, or some version of it. You’re telling friends a funny story, perhaps about a weird Christmas party you attended. “The DJ was dressed like Frankenstein,” you say, “and he only played theme songs from old cartoons.” “Wait a minute,” snorts your most pedantic friend. …

You’ll be glad you’re stuck at home when you see what the networks have in store. The Real Housewives of McMurdo Station, Antarctica The hottest show this fall is also the coldest, as this season’s wives bring all the glitz and drama you’ve come to expect, while navigating life in…

Or, Mother Goose Masked. — Baa, baa, black sheep, Have you any wool? No, sir, no, sir, Not since the toilet paper ran out. Hickory, dickory, dock. The mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, The mouse ran down, And said “Jesus, it’s one o’clock already? Wait, what day is this, even?” Little…