An Open Letter to People Who Say ‘InstaPot’ Instead of ‘Instant Pot’

Notice which one is right. (Photo edited by author.)

Dear people who say InstaPot,

There are so, so many of you. And I simply want to know: Why?

Is it the Instagram influence? Has it proliferated our culture to the point that you can no longer say the word instant? Does saying Instant Pot feel as archaic and weird to you as saying electronic mail?

I might believe that, if you also said that you eat instamashed potatoes, washed down with instacoffee — or maybe some Carnation Instabreakfast. Do you enjoy watching instareplays during football? Perhaps your favorite song is John Lennon’s “InstaKarma.”

Or maybe you just enjoy the instagratification.

It’s not even shorter, though. It’s the exact same number of syllables. Is it the two pesky consonants butting right up against each other? I guess that’s a lot of work for your mouth to do. I suppose you grapple equally with hipbone and uptake.

I don’t buy that you can’t say it. It’s just that you won’t. Americans will learn to say strings of words from the ingredients list of the Big Mac to the lyrics to “Macarena.” You can even say Benedict Cumberbatch. I’m certain you could say Instant Pot.

The real mystery to me is that you InstaPot people seem to be its biggest fans. You freakin’…