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I Did All the Exercises in The Mighty Marvel Comics Strength and Fitness Book

During these times of pandemic, it’s important to stay healthy. (Link for someone who might be reading this from an underground bunker in 3001.) Between the piles of vintage exercise books I collected as a used book store employee and the availability of even more of them online, I have access to plenty of weird workouts. I aim to keep myself moving — and stay entertained — by tackling as many of them as I can and reporting on the results.
Up first is Stan Lee Presents: The Mighty Marvel Comics Strength and Fitness Book, published by Simon & Schuster in 1976. The heavily-illustrated and wisecrack-laden workout book was written by Ann Picardo, with Stan Lee contributing wisecracks. Silver Age inker Joe Giella provided the artwork. The original retail price was $3.95 — about 5% of what it goes for now. If you bought one back in the day, when everyone else was blowing their bucks on pet rocks and bicentennial patches to sew onto the butt of their flared Levi’s, you are one smart cookie.
The book is divided into sections, with different Marvel characters leading different types of exercises. I exercise now and then, but I’m in pretty bad shape, so this is very much an “if I can do it, you can do it” enterprise. Let’s see if I can do it.
The Human Torch: Warm-Up Exercises

Warm-up exercises with the Human Torch: I see what they did there. The first exercise is The Torchie Twist, and it is not unlike early-’60s dance craze The Mashed Potato. I feel like Shelley Long in Troop Beverly Hills. Torchie instructs us to do six with each foot at regular speed, then six more “like a 33 ⅓ record being played at 45,” which is probably as dated a reference to young people reading today as the one I just made about The Mashed Potato. He could just as well have said to start at telegraph speed and advance to ticker tape.
Not all of the exercises give a suggested rep count, and this is frustrating. How many Snap, Crackle, Pops am I supposed to do, Human Torch? How many?! (I’m sure he can do a lot, as he is literally on fire.)